Just published my latest article, on Confidence. It’s on Brainz Magazine
On Being Enough (or, Life is short, enjoy it while you can)
I sometimes call myself a recovering perfectionist – deleting the desire to be perfect at everything. I’m no longer interested in best or perfect. They’re boring! Best and perfect have no life, no humanity, no room to grow. They are soullessly complete. I’ve heard that Japanese crafters create imperfections in …
Shame, shame, shame
I’m a shameful person. Literally full of shame. I’m ashamed of things I’ve done, things I haven’t done, and things I can’t do. I’m ashamed of my skinny hair, thoughts, and body. Ashamed that I’m not further ahead in my life. Ashamed that I’m not in better shape. And I’m …
Gratitude Walk
When I was young, getting old just seemed sad. My grandmother however, didn’t seem to mind. She was active and always glad to have her health. Awash in self-congratulatory youth, I saw her gratitude as, well, pathetic. So she’s healthy, big deal. There was so much else to life – …
Gratitude is the drain plug in our bathtub of happiness
You can have everything in the world but without gratitude you’ve got nothing.
Peace Garden
Gardeners say if you plant enough flowers they’ll crowd out the weeds. I believe that happiness crowds out negativity and hate. Happiness stems from a sense of agency and abundance in our life—when we feel abundant and empowered, we’re likely to be happy. When we’re happy, we’re more likely to …
Abundance is like beach glass
Imagine you’re at the beach, enjoying a beautiful day. Something sparkles in the sand. You stoop to pick it up; it’s beach glass. Turning it over in your palm, admiring its soft, rough edges, you tell yourself stories about its journey, then tuck it away as a good luck charm. …
Shame Waves: Surfing to Success
You just gave the best performance ever. You were calm, confident and engaging. The audience loved you! But then you sit down. Flooded with adrenaline, your brain works quickly, evaluating your performance—your dreadful, awful performance. In high resolution, your brain replays the errors, the omissions, the failures. Moments ago you …
What’s more important than goals? Enjoying the pursuit.
In my work I meet a lot of people in transit—people on their way to becoming the best version of themselves. Whether it’s a new career or advancing within one, my clients have goals. Now, you know and I know all the stuff about goals. They’ve gotta be SMART (Specific, …
Saying No: A beginner’s guide
No, non, nada, nyet—how we say no in different languages. Nein is the German word for no. Nein sounds the same as the English word nine, which means one less than 10. According to researchers, nine is also the number of times kids expect to ask their parents for something …
Casual Negativity or Mindful Positivity
A young friend introduced me to this simple group game last Saturday. We passed slips of paper around in a circle; one was marked with an L, and the rest with Ws. In this game, players don’t know what’s on their card. After the cards have gone once around the …
Self-Control: The secret to successful speaking & listening
Technology allows us to communicate faster, more frequently, and to a wider audience. But who’s listening? The more we communicate, the harder it is to listen well—to focus on one person and their words. This is where self-control comes in. Being able to pause yourself and focus on the speaker …
Teenagers: 15 Tips for Peaceful Communication
Sometimes it seems that all teens do is communicate—text, social media, facetime. But when adults try to talk to teens, both sides often end up frustrated, annoyed or bewildered. How can we bridge this gap? First, Understand your Audience Consider what it is to be teenaged. Teens are in transition …
Kids and Swearing: How to get the little ones to stop talking sh*t
Ahh the power of words: to inspire, teach and offend. Nothing beats the precision of a well-placed profanity, but swearing is like hot sauce—a little goes a long way. I hate hearing kids curse. Although it’s a natural part of their development, swearing is a harsh reminder of lost innocence, especially …
Empathy Self Test
Empathy is a cornerstone of relationships. When we speak and listen with empathy others feel heard and respected, relationships improve, and we positively influence others. Self-test: Do you speak and listen with empathy? When talking: Do your words add to your listener’s life—are you giving them a gift, or dumping emotional …
Conversation Skills: Are you sharing or monopolizing?
Sitting in a coffee shop listening to two women talk over each other, I am reminded of that apt analogy of two TVs, both turned on and facing each other. Lots of words but little communication. We’re all guilty sometimes of talking at rather than to our listener; of delivering …
Complaining: Committed vs Uncommitted
Committed complaining: have you heard of it? The idea is that we complain in two ways: committed or uncommitted to fixing the problem. Sometimes we’re just grousing: I’m cold, my office is cold, I hate working here, my boss is a nightmare… Uncommitted complaining begins and ends with the complaint. …
Beyond No! Communicating with Toddlers
Communicating with two-year-olds can be frustrating. They’re passionate, stubborn and likely to bite. But it doesn’t have to be this way—spending time with toddlers can be fun! Yes, really. Toddlers are amazing—they’re still connected to their magic, and look at the world in a way we’ve forgotten. They have lots …
Are You an Interrupting Cow? How to be a better listener, and more popular too
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow wh– Moo! Are you an interrupting cow? How often do you allow a pause after someone’s finished speaking? Be honest, how often do you let people finish speaking? Interrupting is such a deeply ingrained habit for some that we don’t even notice when we …
WAIT What? 4 Wrong Reasons to Speak (& 4 good ones)
There’s a great acronym that makes me look smart and wise. It’s WAIT, and stands for Why Am I Talking? What a brilliant question to ask yourself. You might decide not to speak if your answer is any of the following: Gossip Is the “news” you’re sharing about someone else just …